Friday 31 July 2009

Even the greatest stars, find their face in the looking glass

So the new facebook stalking app. If you don't know what it is you load it up, it scans though your page views and somehow works out who has been looking at your page. At first I must admit I was slightly concerned that a bunch of people would jump to the conclusion that, because I am on facebook A LOT and on top of that I seem to click to the page of anyone who has done anything on my feed or has even been tagged in the photo album of anyone else on my feed, I would probably be near the top of a lot of peoples stalker rankings. I mean the concerns are obvious, people are going to jump to a lot of wrong conclusions upon being told you are stalking them. I don't think someone being under the impression you are stalking them is a situation anyone wants.

As it turns out I need not have worried because once I found out who my stalker were I suddenly realised I could find out who everyone else's stalkers were and, with the exception of a couple of people, everyone else seems to be stalking me far more than I'm stalking them! What a fantastic situation to be in. I mean what can be better than finding out that scientifically people care about you way more than you care about them? Not a lot!

On the other hand it could just be that other people are having way more page views than I am...

Seriously though check it out: http://apps.facebook.com/stalkercheck/ and a big up to my top 10 stalkers: Jenny, Robert, Jack, Vanessa, Chris, Dylan, Lisa, Alex, Amy and Hazel. If you're not on the list you obviously just aren't paying enough attention to my thrilling life!

Wednesday 22 July 2009

Kangarat Murder Society

Two post in less than a week! I know it's whack! Buy also funky fresh. Do you remember when people used to say stuff like that on TV and things? I'm pretty sure they did anyway, back when you used to get the internet on free AOL CDs. I really do think the internet on CDs is the defining part of the generation that grew up in the 90s. That and Kenan and Kel.

First off: liking things for no real good reason. This follows on from the cricket things before, no reason to like it but apparently I do? I then realised on Sunday evening that there was another similar one. Why do I like Top Gear? I can't drive so really there isn't anything in it that should appeal to me all that much. And that goes for the Formula 1 too, for basically the same reason. Not that I'm going to change anything just because I don't know why I like things, if I like stuff I guess that's a good enough reason yeah? Maybe I'm just being overly analytical.

THE NEXT PARAGRAPH GETS PRETTY NERDY SO YOU CAN SKIP IT IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY OPINIONS ON VIDEOGAMES (though I talk about other stuff too)

Following on from another previous post (the one about piracy and how much society sucks), I have finally bought Alpha Centuri. Yes despite what I said I didn't get it illegally but bought it in an actual shop instead. The way the problem was solved was to split the £10 for 3 games deal between me and Greg, and for two of these actually buy collections of games in one box. Including the Alpha Centuri expansion pack we got like 8 games cheap and terrible for a tenner! Also although it is a pretty great game I kind of feel I might have been looking at it through rose tinted glasses as I have got bored of it pretty quickly. On the other hand this seems to happen for most of the hundreds of games I have bought over the years. Which kind of suggest Capitalism may have won again. But one of these days Capitalism, one of these days!

OKAY VIDEOGAME CHAT IS OVER NEXT I TALK ABOUT MUSIC (but I get pretty grumpy)

On the radio recently they have been playing Simian Mobile Discos new single. A lot. I don't have a problem with them, they have a cool name, but their new single is atrocious. It is a song which contains such awe inspiring lyrics as "I got that grape kool-aid filled swimming pool", "I got that Tammy Faye milk money butterscotch" and "I got that honey-dipped tennis wear just for play" amongst many more. I will be honest I don't know what any of that means and I don't give a flying fuck what ridiculous shit this man has. I hope it is funny and he is taking the piss out of rap or something (I like rap though, don't assume I don't like rap), but guessing by the way he is singing it he is serious about this shit. If you do know what any of that stuff he sings about means, keeps it to yourself and feel ashamed.

Right okay I am calm now and so it's time for good music talk. I have been listening to this song a lot: which is apparently over a year old but I missed somehow? I just really like it though I'm not too keen on much of the other stuff by the band. I think I've been listening to quite a lot of music a bit like this recently though. I've got no real idea what the genre is. I heard indie folk rock suggested somewhere but I don't think that works and really I just thought I'd mention it because it sounds hilarious and takes the squashing two genres together to make a new one to a fantastic new level. If you have any idea of the genre or other music I might like based on that tell me about it!

Also I am thinking about starting a petition to replace Ode to Joy with Europe Endless by Kraftwerk as the EU anthem.

Okay well I'm tired now and I've sort of lost my train of thought as to where I was going next with this (and it's probably long enough already), no doubt you will see whatever I was thinking of next time I post something.

Sunday 19 July 2009

My Mind is a Tapestry of Filth

Wow I haven't made a post in ages but I figure enough time has passed to have built up some major material, also I did think up a load of topics between then (the Special K one) and now but they are now totally lost to the mists of time.

Yesterday I saw a Falcon and a Hawk. Bird's of prey are pretty badass and though I kind of worry that for thinking that thinking this brings me dangerously close to the demographic who would wear wolfshirts this it is a risk I am willing to take. I also figure thinking they are are cool might be in the genetics, because I do have a relative who paints brilliant pictures of birds and who keeps a bunch of birds of prey too (my sort of cousin who goes to oxford actually has a pet falcon which I think makes him like some sort of awesome Harry Potter). But yeah anyway my awesome falconry experience was at the village carnival which was pretty much the same as every village fair ever (old ladies selling cake, old ladies selling arts and crafts, old men running crooked coconut shys) apart from it had some birds of prey flying round terrify children and eating bits of mice. One dissapointing moment was when it attacked a toy rabbit instead of child who was dragging it or the chihuahua which was yapping behind me.

Another majorly dissapointing thing that happened recently was that my good friend Greg beat me to the the block on two awesome t-shirts. I can honestly not express the disgust this has caused. One t-shirt is bad enough but two is too far, so I now don't have a t-shirt with a robot or a t-shirt with a dude riding a dinosaur. I find it difficult to see how our friendship can survive such dreadful events and I mourn the t-shirts lost.

Some great stuff has been happening though, Me and Thuy have booked our flights for Croatia which I am really looking forward to and a country I have wanted to visit for ages, though I still have to wait 2 months before it happens! It also means I've given up on attempting to learn dutch and witched my focus to croatian for a while, which is hard as it seems like a cross between welsh, russian and klingon. Other stuff I have been up to is trying to remember how to play the keyboard (harder that I remember) and also kind of bizarely, watching cricket. It may be just because we are winning for once but I like to think I'm not that fickle but I guess we'll see when I change to thinking that it's a really boring sport again once Australia wins.

Oh yeah and once again I promise to update more in the future.

Sunday 10 May 2009

Special K? More like Special Gay! Haha!

You know what winds me up periodically? Well a lot of things obviously BUT RIGHT NOW it is things that are marketed specifically at woman. My prime example of this is Special K which is a really tasty cereal but all the adverts are aimed at woman and specifically women trying to lose weight? Why the hell is that? Is your cereal to damn good for me Kellogg's? Honestly a lot of mornings I could really go for a bowl of Special K but I know that it will forever be denied to me.

The really odd thing about this as well is that I know plenty of guys who like Special K but whenever I do this rant round a girl they say they don't actual like Special K. So what is Kellogg's idea here? They are obviously targeting the wrong audience! Apparently Special K also used to be advertised as a cereal for working men so I really question what went wrong there.

Of course this doesn't end with cereal. I personally like Bounty bars (I love dessicated coconut) but I can't eat that because it's the woman's chocolate bar! I mean you've seen the adverts with the woman on the island and the muscley yet strangely effeminate man? How am I supposed to buy a chocolate bar if the image that nestle or whoever has driven into our minds when we see it is a hunky man?

The other one is shower gel. I buy Imperial Leather shower gel because, purely based of the name, it is the manliest shower gel you could buy, but they also have different varieties beyond the standard manly one. Sometimes I consider whether it would be nice to try Icelandic Spa style shower gel yet I know it is not an option because fancy smelling things are reserved for women and, as Arnold Schwarzenegger would say, girly men.

So there you go. Perhaps I am just insecure or maybe, in fact far more likely, society is once again wrong and they should stop marketing things towards specific groups of people and instead let everyone buy nice things.

Anyway I'm going to eat a steak now.

Thursday 7 May 2009

I saw some bands

This weekend I went to Leeds to see my Brother and Sister-in-Law and to go to Live at Leeds which is like a live music thing which goes on all across Leeds with a couple of pretty big bands, like the Maccabees (who I guess were like the headline act) and a lot of smaller ones in variously sized venues all over the place. So here for you is a sort of diary/review type deally:

Brunch at Dave's

Hey this is some nice cooked breakfast, but aren't we going to be late for piskie sits or whatever they were called?

Piskie Sits

We are late for piskie sits. I have no idea what they even sound like. Also Elbow Rooms has no good beers. Seriously I have to drink Guinness. The next band here are called Rook and the Ravens but we're going somewhere else.

Fran Rogers

Fran Rogers is at Holy Trinity which is a church in the city centre. She is really good and the venue is great for what she does, which is being a woman with a guitar and being very good at it. I know I've heard at least one of her songs on the radio and I've actually seen her live once before. She has a website too apparently: http://www.franrodgers.co.uk/index.htm

Wild Beasts

Last time I saw Wild Beasts, Fran Rogers was supporting them now that I think about it. The venue is packed and we can't get into see them. I mean they are a pretty decent band but when did they get this popular?

Blacklisters

or possibly Blcklstrs are at the Packhorse and are the total opposite end of the scale. They have a song called Swords which is about a man with swords for arms and it accurately conveys this concept. They have other songs too, its loud, sort of metally, loud and loud. Good if you like that stuff and they are pretty decent I guess. For some reason the lead singer was wearing some cheap nu-ravey type shirt though, what's that about?

Are we going to see Mt or 7 Hertz

Also is Mt pronounced Em-Tee or Mount? It doesn't matter because there car has blown up or something and by the time we know that the beer garden seems far too good to leave. We talk about cricket and solvent abuse amongst other topics. We head back into the pub and it turns out one of the guys is writing a review of the event for Mojo, I figure he should really be seeing more bands.

Monster Killed by Laser

Sounds like a monster being killed by a prog laser, I'm enjoying it a lot but the music journalist hates them and so my trust in music journalism declines even further than before! To be honest I didn't have any to start of with but there you go.

Chops

I can't remember much about Chops other than them being okay and the singer having an irritating shirt.

I think we were going to see Dinosaur Pile-Up?

I get a burger from a kebab place where an Irish guy is ranting at some Canadians about Canadian history. The ketchup is well weird and is like fluorescent or something. The band we are going to see is at the Leeds Met Union but there is a massive queue because the Maccabees are on in TWO HOURS. We move on to the Cockpit.

Future of the Left

Future of the Left rock to an obscene degree. Seriously they are fantastic. Also if you like them buy their album because apparently they still have day jobs because so many people are pirating their music instead of paying for it which is pretty shit really. Honestly though I cannot really get across how good they were so I won't try.

Aidan Moffat off of Arab Strap

apparently he has a secret gig at the Brudenell but holy crap is there ever a massive queue. Obviously it is not that secret (that's probably how we know about it). We head home and watch a DVD of the Johnny Cash show instead.

Summary

So in the end I saw 5 out of a total of... well over 100 acts. But a good day was had, and in the end isn't that all that counts? No.

Wednesday 15 April 2009

Look Out He's Got a Gun and the Crushing Weight of the World on His Trigger Finger!

I have just been hit with crisis. I have realised that a lot of people who are talented and famous are the same age or even, god forbid, younger than me. No longer can I use the excuse that they have had longer to get talented, because I have had just as long. It is highly unlikely I am ever going to gain any skills in music, acting or even learning to draw. This has nothing to do with the rest of the post.

Today I have been forced into a life of crime. I have not yet committed this crime but it is bound to happen and purely to blame is our consumer culture and the nature of the retail industry in Great Britain. As you may be aware I am a fan of the finer, some crass individuals would say nerdier, things in life namely video games. Today whilst out and about in Swansea I spent a bit of time looking round shops selling these items (because there is bugger all else to do in Swansea other than sit on the beach, drink and drink whilst sitting on the beach) when I found a game I hadn't played for years: Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri. Now it's a good game and one I don't own for some reason or another BUT it's old and I wasn't willing to pay a fiver for it. So the only other legal option was to take advantage of the 3 for £10 offer on certain games which would have meant the game only cost like 3 quid. But for some stupid reason all the other games on offer were either rubbish or I didn't want them.

And so with that in mind the only reasonable option I have left is to either download it or see if a friend has it lying around and burn a copy of it which of course is tantamount to the totally illegal crime of PIRACY. So there you have it the offers provided by our retail gaming outlets as well as the innate materialism driven into me by SOCIETY threaten to turn me into an outlaw, and in a world where pirates are snipered the hell out of by US special forces this is not a situation I want to find myself in. But what else can I do? As I said SOCIETY has put me into this position and who am I to argue against society? It is is bigger and older than I am. I only hope the judges and/or snipers will be able to see my point.

updates on other stuff: this week I have mostly been discovering the joys of last.fm and buying and reading yet another volume of Scott Pilgrim which are both awesome but make me feel completely inadequate for not being a musician, a cartoonist or Canadian. Also I sat on a beach and then drank. I have not been learning Dutch.

Friday 3 April 2009

Is my life to boring or am I just lazy?

Its the laziness one actually, I've been up to rather a lot of interesting stuff WHICH THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW!

First off Belgium (and I'll make this quick). Belgium is awesome. Belgium has a bar which has 900 different types of beer, and I assume as it had 900 in just one bar there are a fair few more to try as well. The fact that I sampled a wide selection of these beers may have coloured my view of Belgium I admit but I still maintain that it is frickin awesome. It looks beautiful, the people are great, the food and drink is fantastic and it has my new favourite beer, Ichtegem's Oud Bruin. So having enjoyed both the Netherlands and Flanders I have resolved to learn Dutch somehow. Maybe I will keep you updated on my progress (though if it goes well it suggests I'm not lazy and was wrong so I'm not sure.

And yes I ate tapas in Belgium, it was well good.

Now for the other major thing that has happened recently to me: my brother got married last weekend. Seeing as the trip to Belgium was for my Brother's stag do I guess my life has been a bit my-brother-centric recently, but that's okay, he's an awesome guy. I was given some duties for the wedding, which was nice, I was an usher and, exploiting the fact that I am big fat loudmouth, also did the reading at the service and was master of ceremonies at the reception afterwards. Now all in all this was not much responsibility but I was stupidly nervous, however everyone said it didn't show so I guess I have discovered a new talent: I do not show fear. I consider this a pretty badass ability to have and look forward to new excuses to use it.

Wait where was I? Oh yeah my Brother got married. It's sort of weird to be honest because him and Sam have been together for years so I didn't really think it would be much of a big deal, but it actually was in a way that's pretty hard to explain. I will admit I nearly cried during the service which was a bit unexpected. But that's the way these sort of things are I suppose, you can never predict how you're going to feel about something until it actually happens. Well enough of this pointless rambling. Good luck David and Sam, I hope India is treating you well (they went to India on their honeymoon! lucky...)

Oh before I go yesterday I bought Scott Pilgrim volume 1 and a Leslie Nielson box set, both of which are awesome and worthwhile things.